In 1972,
Gilbert O’Sullivan’s “Alone
Again (Naturally)”[1] rose to
the top of the charts and occupied that spot for six weeks. It sold two million
copies and garnered O’Sullivan
three Grammy nominations. It tells the terribly sad tale of a young man left at
the marriage altar who contemplates suicide and recounts the deaths of his
parents. The common thread is loneliness. As high school kids who could be
extraordinarily lonely in a crowded room, this song resonated with my peers.
But looking back, I see other layers that I missed back then.
The first
layer is in the title itself: The experience of loneliness is “natural.” Torah tells us that the primordial adam
(“man”) in the
Garden of Eden is alone because he cannot connect with the animals. God
recognizes that לֹא-טוֹב הֱיוֹת הָאָדָם לְבַדּוֹ “It is not good for a person to be
alone” (Genesis 2:18) and brings forth a
mate, Eve. Here, God does not solve the problem of loneliness; rather, Torah
recognizes its fundamental, existential nature—we humans suffer recurrent
loneliness. We find ourselves, from time to time, or perhaps more frequently, “Alone
Again (Naturally).”
Jessica
Olien, a writer and illustrator, moved from Portland to Brooklyn. She writes
that
It is
possible to be surrounded by people and feel very much alone. As psychologist
Guy Winch has written, “Loneliness
is a personal and subjective experience, one which is defined not by the
quantity of our relationships but by their subjective quality. Not all lonely
people live in isolation. A person might have many friends around them or live
with a partner, yet still feel the deep ache of emotional or social isolation.” Is there anyone who hasn’t had this
experience?
In Sputnik
Sweetheart (by Haruki Murakami), the narrator agonizes: “Why do
people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people
in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet
isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human
loneliness?” Is the only answer that it is “natural”?
O’Sullivan’s song
recounts the devastating experience of being, literally, “left at
the altar”:
Left
standing in the lurch at a church
Were
people are saying,
“My God,
that's tough,
she stood
him up.
No point
in us remaining.
We may as
well go home.”
As I did
on my own
Alone
again, naturally.
The song
paints a terrifying picture: a young man, shattered and distraught, surround by
people who recognize his agony but move away from him rather than toward
him to offer comfort. Yes, I know these are merely the lyrics to a song from
the 1970s, but there is a reason it was such a hit: it speaks a truth many
people have experienced. People’s isolation is often compounded by
others’ discomfort and unwillingness to step
forward.
Short of
suicide, loneliness has been shown to affect mortality[2], and
adversely affect our health. Consider this frightening catalogue:
New
research links loneliness to a number of dysfunctional immune responses,
suggesting that being lonely has the potential to harm overall health.
Researchers
found that people who were more lonely showed signs of elevated latent herpes
virus reactivation and produced more inflammation-related proteins in response
to acute stress than did people who felt more socially connected.
These
proteins signal the presence of inflammation, and chronic inflammation is
linked to numerous conditions, including coronary heart disease, Type 2
diabetes, arthritis and Alzheimer’s disease,
as well as the frailty and functional decline that can accompany aging.[3]
As we open
to parshat Terumah this week, the Israelites are bringing donations to
Moses to build a Mishkan (Tabernacle) together with its appurtenances and
vessels. They recently escaped slavery in Egypt, bringing out only what they
could carry on their backs or perhaps tow behind a donkey. Yet Torah enumerates
a remarkably elaborate list of materials assembled in the Wilderness to build a
Mishkan, a portable home, for God—not at all what you would expect
erstwhile slaves to possess:
These
are the gifts that you [Moses] shall accept from them [the Israelites]: gold,
silver, and copper; blue, purple, and crimson yarns, fine linen, goats’ hair;
tanned ram skins, dolphin skins, and acacia wood; oil for lighting, spices for
the anointing oil and for the aromatic incense; lapis lazuli and other stones… (Exodus
25:3-7)
And indeed
the Israelites bring so much that Moses must tell them to stop. With these
material, construction of the Tabernacle can begin:
As
for the tabernacle, make it of ten strips of cloth; make it of ten strips of
cloth; make these of fine twisted linen, of blue purple, and crimson yarns,
with a design of cherubim worked into them…You shall then
make cloths of goats’ hair
for a tent over the Tabernacle; make the cloths eleven in number…Make
fifty copper clasps, and fit the clasps into the loops [on the edges of the
cloth], and fit the clasps into the loops, and couple the tent together so that
it becomes one whole…And make for the tent a covering of tanned
ram skins, and a covering of dolphin skins above. You shall make the planks for
the Tabernacle of acacia wood, upright…Overlay the
planks with gold and make their rings of gold, as holders for the bars; and
overlay the bars with gold… (Exodus 26:1, 7, 11, 14-15, 29-30)
People
often ask: Where did the Israelites get fine linen? tanned rams hides? dolphin
skins? a lumberyard of acacia wood? copper, silver, and gold? There are
beautiful midrashim to provide answers.
But I’d like to ask a different question:
My question is: Why does God need a
physical residence? The answer, in short, is loneliness. Yes, God is lonely—even God
suffers loneliness. How much more so do we?
Our
parashah tells us that God initiates the project of the building a Mishkan:
וְעָשׂוּ לִי, מִקְדָּשׁ; וְשָׁכַנְתִּי, בְּתוֹכָם
Let
them make Me a sanctuary, that I may dwell among them. (Exodus 25:8)
Midrash
Exodus Rabbah 33:1 answers the question with a beautiful parable. (To fully
appreciate the parable, please note that the king is God; his daughter, the
bride, is the Torah; and the second king whom the daughter marries is Israel.)
Can
you imagine a transaction in which the seller is sold with his own goods?! God,
however, said to Israel, “I have sold you My Torah but with it (as it
were) I, too, have been sold,” as it says, That they take me for an
offering (Exodus 25:1). It can be compared to the only daughter of a king
whom another king married. When [the husband-king] wished to return to his
country and take his wife with him, [the father-king] said to him: “My
daughter, whose hand I have given you, is my only child. I cannot part with
her, but neither can I say to you, ‘Do not take
her,’
because she is now your wife. One favor, however, I request of
you: Wherever you go to live, prepare a chamber for me that I may dwell with
you, for I cannot leave my daughter.” Thus God said to Israel, “I
have given you a Torah from which I cannot part, and I also cannot tell you not
to take it. But this I ask: wherever you go, make for Me a house where I may
sojourn,”
as it says, Let them make Me a sanctuary, that I may dwell
among them (Exodus 25:8). (Shemot Rabbah 33:1)
God is
lonely. Torah has, until this time, been with God, and now that God has given
it to Israel, God feels bereft, like a father whose only child marries and leaves
home—an image
we can understand. This is not the only time the Rabbis speak of the
existential problem of loneliness. Given that it is a primordial emotional
experience, perhaps we should not be surprised.
This is
not God’s sole
experience of loneliness. After the Tabernacle was constructed, the Israelites
held a 12-day long consecration celebration. Torah tells us that, The
one who presented his offering בַּיּוֹם הָרִאשׁוֹן on the first day was
Nachshon ben Amminadab of the tribe of Judah (Numbers 7:12). In
Midrash Numbers Rabbah, R. Shmuel bar Abba notes that in the story of Creation
(Genesis, chapter 1) it does not say “first day” but rather יוֹם אֶחָד “one day.” Why does it not say “first day” in Genesis?
Because
while the Holy One blessed be God was alone in the world, God yearned to dwell
with his creatures in the terrestrial regions, but did not do so. However, as
soon as the Tabernacle was erected and the holy One blessed Be God caused the
Shekhinah to dwell in it and the princes came to present their offerings [as
described in Numbers, chapter 7], the Holy One blessed be God said, “Let
it be written that on this day the world was created.” (B’midbar
Rabbah 13:6)
In this
version, the Tabernacle was build because God was lonely for all creation, not
just for Torah. When it was completed and consecrated, it was for God a new
beginning. God has made a profound connection with creation and is no longer
separated from it and alone. Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, citing this midrash,
expands on this idea. God is not merely seeking companionship to ease divine
loneliness, but engaged partnership with creation. One can picture God,
like Jessica Olien, standing in the middle of Central Park in Manhattan,
surrounded by thousands of people, but nonetheless lonely until God can form a
meaningful relationship with someone. Herschel wrote:
God
is now in need of man, because He freely made him a partner in His enterprise, “a
partner in the work of creation.” “From
the first day of creation the Holy One, blessed be He, longed to enter into partnership
with the terrestrial world” to
dwell with His creatures within the terrestrial world… Expounding
the verse in Genesis 17:1, the Midrash remarked: “In
the view of Rabbi Johanan we need His honor; in the view of Rabbi Simeon ben
Lakish He needs our honor.” (Between
God and Man, p. 141)
One more
example, but this time it is not God who is lonely. Midrash Genesis Rabbah 11:8
speaks of a love affair between Israel and shabbat, comparing them to husband
and wife. How does this come about? Because of existential loneliness that is
repaired. According to the midrash, God paired off all the days of the week:
Sunday and Monday; Tuesday and Wednesday; Thursday and Friday. Only shabbat was
left alone—and
profoundly lonely. Shabbat came to the Holy One and said: “Sovereign
of the universe, all the other days have a mate. Am I to be alone?” God replied, “The
community of Israel shall be your mate.” The
Kabbalists of Tzfat enlarged upon and re-enacted this image every shabbat,
dressing in white as for a wedding, going out into the fields on Friday as the
sun set to greet the Sabbath Queen, and escorting her back to their synagogues
where they sang her psalms of praise and their own wedding song (Lecha Dodi)
and then to their homes, where they re-enacted the consummation of the wedding
that night with their wives. The pain of existential loneliness is repaired
through love and intimacy.
Yes, the
Israelites bring an array of exceptional donations for the construction of the
Tabernacle but the real gift (terumah) they bring is themselves. What
God longs for is their company and companionship. That is what we all yearn
for, what we all need. Most everyone struggles with loneliness at some time or
another. For many people it is perennial source of pain. The young man in O’Sullivan’s song
even feels deserted by God:
Talk
about, God in His mercy.
Oh, if he
really does exist,
Why did he
desert me?
In my hour
of need
I truly
am, indeed,
Alone
again, naturally.
Would that
people could turn to God; and many people do. There are verses from psalms that
bring comfort in addition to prayers. I’ve included four selections at the
end of this drash.
In Eleanor
Rigby[4], the
Beatles poignantly and painfully highlight the elderly among the lonely people
who live in our communities (and sometimes next door to us), in particular
Eleanor Rigby and Father McKenzie, culminating in these moving and terribly sad
lines:
Eleanor
Rigby died in the church
and was
buried along with her name
Nobody
came
Father
McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands
as he
walks from the grave
No one was
saved
All the
lonely people (Ah, look at all the lonely people)
Where do
they all come from?
Elderly
people are often particularly vulnerable to loneliness and chronic illness,
which often go hand-in-hand.[5] They
desperately need company, attention, and to feel the human touch. If you are
feeling lonely, have you considered reaching out to an elderly neighbor, or
visiting someone in a local nursing home, or becoming a Big Brother or Big
Sister to a child who desperately needs companionship and guidance? Now there’s a
win-win.
Below are
resources and psalms that may be of use to you or someone you know.
May we all
know the blessings of love and companionship that fill the deep recesses of our
souls.
© Rabbi
Amy Scheinerman
This Torah
commentary is posted at: http://taste-of-torah.blogspot.com, where you
can find commentaries for all the weekly Torah portions.
You are
welcome to visit my Talmud blog at: http://nuviewtalmud.blogspot.com.http://www.nhs.uk/livewell/women60-plus/pages/loneliness-in-older-people.aspx.
Resources:
Psalms
Psalm 25:15-22
My eyes are ever toward the Lord,
for
God will loose my feet from the net.
Turn
to me, have mercy on me,
for
I am alone and afflicted.
My
deep distress increases;
deliver
me from my straits.
Look
at my affliction and suffering,
and
forgive all my sins…
Protect
me and save me;
Let
me now be disappointed,
for
I have sought refuge in You
May
integrity and uprightness watch over me,
for
I look to you.
O
God, redeem Israel from all its distress.
Psalm 9:10-11
Adonai
is a haven for the oppressed,
a
haven in times of trouble.
Those
who know Your name trust you,
for
You do not abandon those who turn to You, O Lord
Psalm 102:1-3, 7-8, 13-14
Adonai,
hear my prayer; let my cry come before You.
Do
not hide Your face from me in my time of trouble;
turn
Your ear to me; when I cry, answer me speedily…
I
am like a great owl in the wilderness,
an
owl among the ruins.
I
lie awake; I am like a lone bird upon a roof…
But
You, Adonai, are enthroned forever;
Your
fame endures throughout the ages.
You
will surely arise and take pity on Zion,
for
it is time to be gracious to her;
the
appointed time has come.
Psalm 121
A
Song for ascents.
I
lift up my eyes to the mountains;
from where will my help come?
My
help is from the Lord,
maker of heaven and earth.
He
will not let your foot give way;
your guardian will not slumber;
See,
the guardian of Israel
neither slumbers nor sleeps!
The
LORD is your guardian,
the LORD is your protection
at your right hand.
By
day the sun will not strike you,
nor the moon by night.
The
LORD will guard you from all harm;
He will guard your life.
The
LORD will guard your going and your coming,
now and forever.
[1] You can view the lyrics and hear the original recording
at: http://www.lyrics007.com/Gilbert%20O%27Sullivan%20Lyrics/Alone%20Again%20%28Naturally%29%20Lyrics.html.
[4] Here is a version accompanied by a slide show that
powerfully illustrates the song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0gpPs4flw8. You can also listen to “Eleanor Rigby” at http://en.musicplayon.com/play?v=460375 with the lyrics displayed on a slide
show.
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