Wednesday, February 25, 2015

Can We Have It All? / Parshat Tetzaveh 2015/5775

Remember this bumper sticker?

In contradistinction, the Parents Mantra is: You cant have everything. Where would you put it? (I met a woman who told her husband this; apparently it is not for parents alone.) The mantra rarely helps, because people go out into the world and see all there is, and especially what their peers possess, and the dybbuk of desire pounces on them.

Its no revelation that materialism sometimes gets the better of us and so, from time to time, its important to stop and consider the meaning we attach to stuff and how we might rethink our relationship with material possessions. The Life Twist Study suggested that we are doing just that. Conducted in 2013 in the aftermath of recession, global conflict, and in an era of technological change at an unprecedented pace, the study revealed that Americans rate wealth #20 out of a given 22 factors contributing to a successful life. Far above wealth come: health (85%), having a good marriage/relationship (81%), working a job you love (79%), time to pursue passions (69%), and making a difference in peoples lives (62%). Only one in three Americans considered wealth to be a key element of success. Twice that number rated being physically fit as a key contributor to a successful life. The numbers are encouraging.[1]

More and more people talk about their bucket lists. Have experiences replaced possessions as something people acquire? And is this a modern phenomenon? Probably not. Rabbi Levi Yitzhak of Berditchev wrote about the natural human desire to possessbe it objects or experiencesand offers another alternative. But first, lets take a look at the parashah.

Parshat Tetzaveh  describes the vestments of the kohanim (priests). It seems to be all about stuff, especially the elaborate garb of the High Priest, Aaron: robe, fringed tunic, sash, headdress, breast piece, and ephod. Linen and fine dyed yarns woven and twisted, precious and semi-precious stones encrusting the breastpiece, gold and more are used to make the vestments. Consider how much stuff (underscored below) is involved in making the priestly vestments, and how invested Torah is in it all:

 וְזֶה הַדָּבָר אֲשֶׁר-תַּעֲשֶׂה לָהֶם, לְקַדֵּשׁ אֹתָם--לְכַהֵן לִי:  לְקַח פַּר אֶחָד בֶּן-בָּקָר, וְאֵילִם שְׁנַיִם--תְּמִימִם. וְלֶחֶם מַצּוֹת, וְחַלֹּת מַצֹּת בְּלוּלֹת בַּשֶּׁמֶן, וּרְקִיקֵי מַצּוֹת, מְשֻׁחִים בַּשָּׁמֶן; סֹלֶת חִטִּים, תַּעֲשֶׂה אֹתָם.  וְנָתַתָּ אוֹתָם עַל-סַל אֶחָד, וְהִקְרַבְתָּ אֹתָם בַּסָּל; וְאֶת-הַפָּר--וְאֵת, שְׁנֵי הָאֵילִם.  וְאֶת-אַהֲרֹן וְאֶת-בָּנָיו תַּקְרִיב, אֶל-פֶּתַח אֹהֶל מוֹעֵד; וְרָחַצְתָּ אֹתָם, בַּמָּיִם.  וְלָקַחְתָּ אֶת-הַבְּגָדִים, וְהִלְבַּשְׁתָּ אֶת-אַהֲרֹן אֶת-הַכֻּתֹּנֶת, וְאֵת מְעִיל הָאֵפֹד, וְאֶת-הָאֵפֹד וְאֶת-הַחֹשֶׁן; וְאָפַדְתָּ לוֹ, בְּחֵשֶׁב הָאֵפֹד. וְשַׂמְתָּ הַמִּצְנֶפֶת, עַל-רֹאשׁוֹ; וְנָתַתָּ אֶת-נֵזֶר הַקֹּדֶשׁ, עַל-הַמִּצְנָפֶת. וְלָקַחְתָּ אֶת-שֶׁמֶן הַמִּשְׁחָה, וְיָצַקְתָּ עַל-רֹאשׁוֹ; וּמָשַׁחְתָּ, אֹתוֹ.  וְאֶת-בָּנָיו, תַּקְרִיב; וְהִלְבַּשְׁתָּם, כֻּתֳּנֹת.  וְחָגַרְתָּ אֹתָם אַבְנֵט אַהֲרֹן וּבָנָיו, וְחָבַשְׁתָּ לָהֶם מִגְבָּעֹת, וְהָיְתָה לָהֶם כְּהֻנָּה, לְחֻקַּת עוֹלָם; וּמִלֵּאתָ יַד-אַהֲרֹן, וְיַד-בָּנָיו.

This is what you shall do to them in consecrating them to serve Me as priests: Take a young bull of the herd and two rams without blemish; also unleavened bread, unleavened cakes with oil mixed in, and unleavened wafers spread with oilmake these of choice wheat flour. Place these in one basket and present them in the basket, along with the bull and the two rams. Lead Aaron and his sons up to the entrance of the Tent of Meeting, and wash them with water. Then take the vestments, and clothe Aaron with the tunic, the robe of the ephod, and the breast piece, and gird him with the decorated band of the ephod. Put the headdress on his head, and place the holy diadem upon the headdress. Take the anointing oil and pour it on his head and anoint him. Then bring his sons forward; clothe them with tunics and wind turbans upon them. And gird both Aaron and his sons with sashes. And so they shall have priesthood as their right for all time. You shall then ordain Aaron and his sons.  (Exodus 29:1-9)

At the end of this description, Torah finally announces that once Moses has gathered unleavened wafers, oil, and the requisite animals for sacrifice, and has clothed Aaron and his sons in their priestly vestments, Moses is to ordain them as priests. The term for ordination, miluim, comes from the root מלא, meaning fill. We might then understand the last verse as You shall fill up Aaron and his sons. Certainly, Aaron and his sons are filled with objects (the vestments) and experiences (the ordination and the sacrifices). But the hasidic master, Rabbi Levi Yitzhak of Berditchev understands Exodus 29:9 to mean, You shall fill up Aaron and his sons. He explains:

There is no completeness in matters of this world. We always lack for something in the realm of physical pleasures. If you have everything else, you may still want for the pleasure derived from respect. Or you may want because of sexual desire. We always lack for something. In the religious life, however, the one who serves is whole in every way. Those who seek Adonai lack for no good (Psalm 34:11). Thus the pleasure of serving God is greater than any other. Hold fast to the life-force of serving the Infinite One, that which is whole in every way. Then you, too, will naturally be whole and lack for naught. This is the meaning of You shall fill the hand of Aaron and the hand of his sons. God told Moses to see that he bring Aaron and his sons to that level where they would cleave to holiness. When they came to feel the pleasure of that sublime joy, their hands would be filled with all good and they would lack for nothing. That is why this period [i.e., the dedication of the Mishkan] is called the eight days of miluim, meaning fulfillment. This was when the Shekhinah came to dwell among them, and they were filled with joy because of that holiness. (Kedushat Levi on Exodus 29:9)

R. Levi Yitzhak reminds us that giving is even more fulfilling than getting. Similarly,  psychiatrist Viktor Frankl, who survived the Nazi death camps but lost his entire family, wrote in Mans Search for Meaning (1946) that finding meaning in life was essential to survival in the camps. He wrote of two suicidal inmates whom he helped to find something to live for: for one, it was his young son, sheltered in a foreign country; for the other, a scientist, it was the books he wished to finish writing. Note that both sources of meaning are also means of giving.

In a famous experiment conducted in 2008[2], people were given $5 or $20 and  either instructed to spend it on themselves, or on someone else. Which made them happier? While the participants in the study expected that their happiness would be boosted more by spending the cash on themselves, it turned out that those who spent money on others (often called Pro-social spending) were happier than those who spent it on themselves.

The Sages shared this same wisdom in the Talmud in a wonderful and broader way:

Ben Zoma would say:
Who is wise? The one who learns from everyone, as it is written: from all my teachers have I gained understanding (Psalm 119:99)
Who is mighty? The one who conquers their evil impulse, as it is written: One who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and one who rules over his spirit, than one who conquers a city (Proverbs 16:32).
Who is rich? The one who rejoices in his portion, as it is written: When you eat the labor of your hands, happy will you be and all will be well with you (Psalm 128:2). Happy will you be refers to this world; all will be well with you refers to the world-to-come.
(Pirke Avot 4:1)

Its so easy to lose sight of that wisdom, but so precious to reclaim it.

© Rabbi Amy Scheinerman

[2] Dunn, E. W., Aknin, L. B., & Norton, M. I. (2014). Prosocial spending and happiness: Using money to benefit others pays off. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 23, 4147.

Tuesday, February 17, 2015

God's Loneliness—And Ours / Parshat Terumah 2015/5775

In 1972, Gilbert OSullivans Alone Again (Naturally)[1] rose to the top of the charts and occupied that spot for six weeks. It sold two million copies and garnered OSullivan three Grammy nominations. It tells the terribly sad tale of a young man left at the marriage altar who contemplates suicide and recounts the deaths of his parents. The common thread is loneliness. As high school kids who could be extraordinarily lonely in a crowded room, this song resonated with my peers. But looking back, I see other layers that I missed back then.

The first layer is in the title itself: The experience of loneliness is natural. Torah tells us that the primordial adam (man) in the Garden of Eden is alone because he cannot connect with the animals. God recognizes that לֹא-טוֹב הֱיוֹת הָאָדָם לְבַדּוֹ It is not good for a person to be alone (Genesis 2:18) and brings forth a mate, Eve. Here, God does not solve the problem of loneliness; rather, Torah recognizes its fundamental, existential naturewe humans suffer recurrent loneliness. We find ourselves, from time to time, or perhaps more frequently, Alone Again (Naturally).

Jessica Olien, a writer and illustrator, moved from Portland to Brooklyn. She writes that
although New York was teeming with people, and although she went to parks, bookstores, bars, on dates where she met plenty of people, she did not feel a connection with any of them. Her innately cheerful demeanor wilted and she became morose and mildly paranoidI woke up in the night panicked. In the afternoon loneliness came in waves like a fever. Mother Teresa once commented: Loneliness and the feeling of being unwanted is the most terrible poverty.

It is possible to be surrounded by people and feel very much alone. As psychologist Guy Winch has written, Loneliness is a personal and subjective experience, one which is defined not by the quantity of our relationships but by their subjective quality. Not all lonely people live in isolation. A person might have many friends around them or live with a partner, yet still feel the deep ache of emotional or social isolation. Is there anyone who hasnt had this experience?

In Sputnik Sweetheart (by Haruki Murakami), the narrator agonizes: Why do people have to be this lonely? What's the point of it all? Millions of people in this world, all of them yearning, looking to others to satisfy them, yet isolating themselves. Why? Was the earth put here just to nourish human loneliness? Is the only answer that it is natural?

OSullivans song recounts the devastating experience of being, literally, left at the altar:

Left standing in the lurch at a church
Were people are saying,
My God, that's tough,
she stood him up.
No point in us remaining.
We may as well go home.
As I did on my own
Alone again, naturally.

The song paints a terrifying picture: a young man, shattered and distraught, surround by people who recognize his agony but move away from him rather than toward him to offer comfort. Yes, I know these are merely the lyrics to a song from the 1970s, but there is a reason it was such a hit: it speaks a truth many people have experienced. Peoples isolation is often compounded by others discomfort and unwillingness to step forward.

Short of suicide, loneliness has been shown to affect mortality[2], and adversely affect our health. Consider this frightening catalogue:

New research links loneliness to a number of dysfunctional immune responses, suggesting that being lonely has the potential to harm overall health.
Researchers found that people who were more lonely showed signs of elevated latent herpes virus reactivation and produced more inflammation-related proteins in response to acute stress than did people who felt more socially connected.
These proteins signal the presence of inflammation, and chronic inflammation is linked to numerous conditions, including coronary heart disease, Type 2 diabetes, arthritis and Alzheimers disease, as well as the frailty and functional decline that can accompany aging.[3]

As we open to parshat Terumah this week, the Israelites are bringing donations to Moses to build a Mishkan (Tabernacle) together with its appurtenances and vessels. They recently escaped slavery in Egypt, bringing out only what they could carry on their backs or perhaps tow behind a donkey. Yet Torah enumerates a remarkably elaborate list of materials assembled in the Wilderness to build a Mishkan, a portable home, for Godnot at all what you would expect erstwhile slaves to possess:

These are the gifts that you [Moses] shall accept from them [the Israelites]: gold, silver, and copper; blue, purple, and crimson yarns, fine linen, goats hair; tanned ram skins, dolphin skins, and acacia wood; oil for lighting, spices for the anointing oil and for the aromatic incense; lapis lazuli and other stones (Exodus 25:3-7)

And indeed the Israelites bring so much that Moses must tell them to stop. With these material, construction of the Tabernacle can begin:

As for the tabernacle, make it of ten strips of cloth; make it of ten strips of cloth; make these of fine twisted linen, of blue purple, and crimson yarns, with a design of cherubim worked into themYou shall then make cloths of goats hair for a tent over the Tabernacle; make the cloths eleven in numberMake fifty copper clasps, and fit the clasps into the loops [on the edges of the cloth], and fit the clasps into the loops, and couple the tent together so that it becomes one wholeAnd make for the tent a covering of tanned ram skins, and a covering of dolphin skins above. You shall make the planks for the Tabernacle of acacia wood, uprightOverlay the planks with gold and make their rings of gold, as holders for the bars; and overlay the bars with gold (Exodus 26:1, 7, 11, 14-15, 29-30)

People often ask: Where did the Israelites get fine linen? tanned rams hides? dolphin skins? a lumberyard of acacia wood? copper, silver, and gold? There are beautiful midrashim to provide answers.  But Id like to ask a different question: My question is: Why does God need a physical residence? The answer, in short, is loneliness. Yes, God is lonelyeven God suffers loneliness. How much more so do we?

Our parashah tells us that God initiates the project of the building a Mishkan:

וְעָשׂוּ לִי, מִקְדָּשׁ; וְשָׁכַנְתִּי, בְּתוֹכָם
Let them make Me a sanctuary, that I may dwell among them. (Exodus 25:8)

Midrash Exodus Rabbah 33:1 answers the question with a beautiful parable. (To fully appreciate the parable, please note that the king is God; his daughter, the bride, is the Torah; and the second king whom the daughter marries is Israel.)

Can you imagine a transaction in which the seller is sold with his own goods?! God, however, said to Israel, I have sold you My Torah but with it (as it were) I, too, have been sold, as it says, That they take me for an offering (Exodus 25:1). It can be compared to the only daughter of a king whom another king married. When [the husband-king] wished to return to his country and take his wife with him, [the father-king] said to him: My daughter, whose hand I have given you, is my only child. I cannot part with her, but neither can I say to you, Do not take her, because she is now your wife. One favor, however, I request of you: Wherever you go to live, prepare a chamber for me that I may dwell with you, for I cannot leave my daughter. Thus God said to Israel, I have given you a Torah from which I cannot part, and I also cannot tell you not to take it. But this I ask: wherever you go, make for Me a house where I may sojourn, as it says, Let them make Me a sanctuary, that I may dwell among them (Exodus 25:8). (Shemot Rabbah 33:1)

God is lonely. Torah has, until this time, been with God, and now that God has given it to Israel, God feels bereft, like a father whose only child marries and leaves homean image we can understand. This is not the only time the Rabbis speak of the existential problem of loneliness. Given that it is a primordial emotional experience, perhaps we should not be surprised.

This is not Gods sole experience of loneliness. After the Tabernacle was constructed, the Israelites held a 12-day long consecration celebration. Torah tells us that, The one who presented his offering בַּיּוֹם הָרִאשׁוֹן on the first day was Nachshon ben Amminadab of the tribe of Judah (Numbers 7:12). In Midrash Numbers Rabbah, R. Shmuel bar Abba notes that in the story of Creation (Genesis, chapter 1) it does not say first day but rather יוֹם אֶחָד one day. Why does it not say first day in Genesis?

Because while the Holy One blessed be God was alone in the world, God yearned to dwell with his creatures in the terrestrial regions, but did not do so. However, as soon as the Tabernacle was erected and the holy One blessed Be God caused the Shekhinah to dwell in it and the princes came to present their offerings [as described in Numbers, chapter 7], the Holy One blessed be God said, Let it be written that on this day the world was created. (Bmidbar Rabbah 13:6)

In this version, the Tabernacle was build because God was lonely for all creation, not just for Torah. When it was completed and consecrated, it was for God a new beginning. God has made a profound connection with creation and is no longer separated from it and alone. Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel, citing this midrash, expands on this idea. God is not merely seeking companionship to ease divine loneliness, but engaged partnership with creation. One can picture God, like Jessica Olien, standing in the middle of Central Park in Manhattan, surrounded by thousands of people, but nonetheless lonely until God can form a meaningful relationship with someone. Herschel wrote:

God is now in need of man, because He freely made him a partner in His enterprise, a partner in the work of creation. From the first day of creation the Holy One, blessed be He, longed to enter into partnership with the terrestrial world to dwell with His creatures within the terrestrial world Expounding the verse in Genesis 17:1, the Midrash remarked: In the view of Rabbi Johanan we need His honor; in the view of Rabbi Simeon ben Lakish He needs our honor. (Between God and Man, p. 141)

One more example, but this time it is not God who is lonely. Midrash Genesis Rabbah 11:8 speaks of a love affair between Israel and shabbat, comparing them to husband and wife. How does this come about? Because of existential loneliness that is repaired. According to the midrash, God paired off all the days of the week: Sunday and Monday; Tuesday and Wednesday; Thursday and Friday. Only shabbat was left aloneand profoundly lonely. Shabbat came to the Holy One and said: Sovereign of the universe, all the other days have a mate. Am I to be alone? God replied, The community of Israel shall be your mate. The Kabbalists of Tzfat enlarged upon and re-enacted this image every shabbat, dressing in white as for a wedding, going out into the fields on Friday as the sun set to greet the Sabbath Queen, and escorting her back to their synagogues where they sang her psalms of praise and their own wedding song (Lecha Dodi) and then to their homes, where they re-enacted the consummation of the wedding that night with their wives. The pain of existential loneliness is repaired through love and intimacy.

Yes, the Israelites bring an array of exceptional donations for the construction of the Tabernacle but the real gift (terumah) they bring is themselves. What God longs for is their company and companionship. That is what we all yearn for, what we all need. Most everyone struggles with loneliness at some time or another. For many people it is perennial source of pain. The young man in OSullivans song even feels deserted by God:

Talk about, God in His mercy.
Oh, if he really does exist,
Why did he desert me?
In my hour of need
I truly am, indeed,
Alone again, naturally.

Would that people could turn to God; and many people do. There are verses from psalms that bring comfort in addition to prayers. Ive included four selections at the end of this drash.

In Eleanor Rigby[4], the Beatles poignantly and painfully highlight the elderly among the lonely people who live in our communities (and sometimes next door to us), in particular Eleanor Rigby and Father McKenzie, culminating in these moving and terribly sad lines:

Eleanor Rigby died in the church
and was buried along with her name
Nobody came
Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands
as he walks from the grave
No one was saved
All the lonely people (Ah, look at all the lonely people)
Where do they all come from?

Elderly people are often particularly vulnerable to loneliness and chronic illness, which often go hand-in-hand.[5] They desperately need company, attention, and to feel the human touch. If you are feeling lonely, have you considered reaching out to an elderly neighbor, or visiting someone in a local nursing home, or becoming a Big Brother or Big Sister to a child who desperately needs companionship and guidance? Now theres a win-win.

Below are resources and psalms that may be of use to you or someone you know.

May we all know the blessings of love and companionship that fill the deep recesses of our souls.

© Rabbi Amy Scheinerman

This Torah commentary is posted at:, where you can find commentaries for all the weekly Torah portions.

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Psalm 25:15-22

My eyes are ever toward the Lord,
            for God will loose my feet from the net.
            Turn to me, have mercy on me,
            for I am alone and afflicted.
            My deep distress increases;
            deliver me from my straits.
            Look at my affliction and suffering,           
            and forgive all my sins
            Protect me and save me;
            Let me now be disappointed,
            for I have sought refuge in You
            May integrity and uprightness watch over me,
            for I look to you.
            O God, redeem Israel from all its distress.

Psalm 9:10-11

            Adonai is a haven for the oppressed,
            a haven in times of trouble.
            Those who know Your name trust you,
            for You do not abandon those who turn to You, O Lord

Psalm 102:1-3, 7-8, 13-14

Adonai, hear my prayer; let my cry come before You.
Do not hide Your face from me in my time of trouble;
turn Your ear to me; when I cry, answer me speedily
I am like a great owl in the wilderness,
an owl among the ruins.
I lie awake; I am like a lone bird upon a roof
But You, Adonai, are enthroned forever;
Your fame endures throughout the ages.
You will surely arise and take pity on Zion,
for it is time to be gracious to her;
the appointed time has come.

Psalm 121

A Song for ascents.
I lift up my eyes to the mountains;
      from where will my help come?
My help is from the Lord,
      maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot give way;
     your guardian will not slumber;
See, the guardian of Israel
     neither slumbers nor sleeps!
The LORD is your guardian,
     the LORD is your protection
     at your right hand.
By day the sun will not strike you,
     nor the moon by night.
The LORD will guard you from all harm;
      He will guard your life.
The LORD will guard your going and your coming,
    now and forever.

[4] Here is a version accompanied by a slide show that powerfully illustrates the song: You can also listen to Eleanor Rigby at with the lyrics displayed on a slide show.